When You're Mixed Up and Sad...

When you're all mixed up and you think the world is really wrong and it seems like you haven't got anyone that cares about you...you've got me!

I do care about you, Babe. If I didn't, I wouldn't write this column every month just for you. And when you've got a problem that seems too big for you to handle alone but you don't want to share with anyone else, write to me. I'll read your problems, and knowing that should make you feel better.

Did I ever tell you that sometimes I was so lonesome that I wanted to crawl off into a little cave near the ocean, never come out, and just be a hermit all my life? I think I used to get that way over a girl most of the time.

TONGUE-TIED - Dorine was in my biology class and I loved her so much I couldn't even speak without getting all tongue tied and hot and shaky. She had long brown hair and wore knee socks and I thought she was just the most wonderful girl I'd ever seen.

Well, I turned into a real pest. I hung around her desk and bugged her to let me help her carry her books or do her homework or anything. And of course, I was practically stuttering all the time because I was so scared of her. But how I used to dream.

I pretended I was walking her to class or holding her hand or maybe kissing her - I was just miserable because I liked her so much. Then one day I saw her walk into class (I was hanging around the door, waiting for her) and she came in holding hands with the head of the football team - a senior!

WANTED TO DIE - I was so crushed I thought I'd die. That night I just suffered through dinner, swallowing my food like it was sawdust. My mother asked me if I felt well and I said yes, even though I wanted to shout no and throw my plate and stomp over to Dorine's house and grab her arm and say, "You're my girl, not his!" Of course, I couldn't do that. And knowing that she might even laugh at me made it hurt worse.

I got very withdrawn and when my friends called and asked if I wanted to do something like go to the show, I always said no. have you known hurt like that, Babe, the kind where you can feel your heart bleeding and yet no one else can see? Do you know what it feels like to think you're at the bottom of the world and just the task of breathing seems too much for you? Oh Babe, I know how you feel!

Well, I wish I could lean over and kiss your cheek and make you forget your troubles but I can't so I'll tell you what I did and maybe you can following my steps and be okay again too.

STAY BUSY - First, I decided that I'd give myself just a couple more days of feeling the hurt over Dorine. I said three days because I'd always been miserable for over a week.

At the end of three days, I made all sorts of plans to stay busy every minute of the day. Oh Babe, I didn't feel like it. I didn't want to do anything but sit home and hurt! When my friends would laugh and tell jokes and try to cheer me up, I was just awful. I'd barely smile and just nod my head a little. But you know what? The more I made myself stay around them, two things happened. They got fed up with my sulking and got good and mad at me.

They said, "Sherman, cheer up or stay home! You're getting to be a drag and because we like you, we don't want to see you this way. Either cheer up or sit home in your closet!" Secondly, I found that though I was still thinking about Dorine, I was listening a little more to their jokes and trying to join in on the fun.

EASIER NOW - Like everybody, I've gone through that experience a couple of more times and you know what, Babe? The hurts haven't been easier, but I've gotten over them faster. That's 'cause I discovered that you can break up with somebody and not break down.

So don't you sit at home, crying and hurting day after day. Go out in the sunshine, lay on the grass, and write me a letter. Tell me beautiful thoughts and on the way to the mailbox, smile at everyone you see. You'll feel better, honey, I know you will.

Until we're together, lots of love,
Bobby